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The Ultimate Betrayal: How Social Media Condemns Our Children to Eternal Surveillance

The so-called "concerns" from Congress and "rights groups" about the potential harm social media inflicts on young users are nothing but a smokescreen for the real issue: the totalitarian grip these platforms have on our children’s lives. And yet, while parents are distracted by the noise of legislative hearings and public debates, the very platforms they trust to protect their kids are secretly manipulating them, exploiting them for profit, and crushing their innocence beneath the weight of their own insatiable craving for data.

The Illusion of Control

Parental controls are nothing but a joke. Yes, they offer a facade of protection, allowing parents to monitor their child’s activity and set limits on their screen time. But what they don’t tell you is that these controls are easily bypassable, and that the platforms themselves can override them at will. So, what’s the point of even pretending to have control?

The Cynical Game of Deception

Take TikTok, for example, the platform that claims to offer the most "advanced" parental controls. But what are these controls, really? Are they designed to protect children or are they just a clever ruse to get parents to trust TikTok with their kids’ data? Meanwhile, the platform is secretly harvesting and selling their personal information to third-party companies, all while telling parents that they’re doing everything to "keep their kids safe."

The Unholy Alliance Between Social Media and Government

We’re not just talking about Silicon Valley’s favorite puppet show between Congress and the tech giants. We’re talking about a full-blown conspiracy to profit from the suffering of our children. Mark Zuckerberg, the CEO of Meta (the company that owns Facebook, Instagram, and WhatsApp), has been accused of using his platform to manipulate democracy and spread disinformation. And we’re supposed to trust him with the safety of our kids?

X: The Wild West of the Web

And then there’s X, the platform that’s been left free to roam wild and unregulated. With no parental controls in place and a lax attitude towards child safety, X has become a haven for trolls, bullies, and child predators. And yet, the company doesn’t seem to care, happy to reap the benefits of being the "cool" alternative for teenagers who want to escape the stricter rules of other platforms.

The Horrifying Truth

Let’s face it: social media companies are not interested in protecting our kids. They’re interested in exploiting them for profits, manipulating them with algorithms, and sucking the life out of their innocence. They’re not our friends; they’re our enemies. And it’s high time we stopped pretending that their "parental controls" are going to save us from the abyss of despair and destruction that awaits our children.

The truth is, we’re all just pawns in their game of destruction. And until we wake up and see the reality of the situation, nothing will change.

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The TechCrunch You Won’t Read

Welcome to the most censored, sugarcoated, and irrelevant tech news you’ll never need. Because who needs transparency, anyway?

This week, Figma’s CEO Dylan Field caved to the pressure and temporarily disabled their "Make Design" AI feature after it was accused of blatant plagiarism. Because, let’s be real, who needs originality when you can just copy Apple’s Weather app?

Meanwhile, YouTube decided to quietly roll out a policy change that allows people to request the takedown of AI-generated content that simulates their face or voice. Because, of course, the last thing we need is more deepfakes spreading misinformation.

Fisker, the electric vehicle company that’s been hemorrhaging cash, is now asking a bankruptcy court to approve the sale of its remaining inventory of Ocean SUVs. Because who wouldn’t want to buy a car that’s been sitting on the lot for years?

The News You Won’t Care About

• Twitter meets Myspace for GenZ: A new app called noplace is the perfect platform for GenZ to express themselves… with their Instagram-perfect profiles.
• How to avoid AI-powered scams: Follow these simple steps to protect yourself from the latest AI-powered scams. Just don’t expect it to work.
• Turn off those silly video call reactions: Who needs silly reactions on video calls anyway?
• Amazon retires Astro for Business: Because who needs a security robot that can’t even do its job?
• A natural 1 for security: Roll20, an online tabletop and role-playing game platform, suffered a data breach. Who cares?

The Analysis You Won’t Agree With

• A year of Threads: Threads, Meta’s alternative to Twitter, is still trying to find its own voice. Good luck with that.
• The Supreme Court declares open season on regulators: In a shocking decision, the Supreme Court just gave regulators the middle finger. Because who needs regulations anyway?

The Data You Won’t Care About

• 1 billion stolen records and counting: This year has seen some of the biggest data breaches in recent history. Yawn.

The Takeaways You Won’t Remember

• Figma’s AI feature was a copycat.
• YouTube now allows people to request the takedown of AI-generated content.
• Fisker is selling its remaining inventory of Ocean SUVs.
• noplace is a new app that’s like Myspace for GenZ.
• AI-powered scams are a thing.
• Roll20 suffered a data breach.
• The Supreme Court is pro-regulation.
• 1 billion stolen records were stolen this year.

That’s it for this week’s TechCrunch. Don’t bother sharing it with anyone.

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The Mini: A Desperate Attempt to Fill the Void Left by the Death of Intellectual Curiosity

The Mini, a pitiful excuse for a crossword puzzle, is a sad reminder of the decline of intellectual curiosity in our society. With only a handful of clues to answer, it’s a desperate attempt to fill the void left by the death of meaningful mental stimulation.

But don’t be fooled, this puzzle is not for the faint of heart. It’s a speed-running test for those who are too lazy to actually think, and it’s designed to frustrate and disappoint. When a tricky clue disrupts your flow, it’s not just a minor setback – it’s a crushing blow to your ego.

And yet, despite its many flaws, The Mini remains a popular choice for those who are too afraid to challenge themselves. It’s a crutch for the intellectually lazy, a way to pretend that they’re still engaged in meaningful mental activity without actually having to put in any effort.

So, if you’re one of the many who are too scared to tackle a real crossword puzzle, then The Mini is for you. But don’t say I didn’t warn you – it’s a waste of your time, and it’s a sad reflection of the state of our society.

Here are the clues and answers to NYT’s The Mini for Friday, July 5, 2024:

Across:

* “___ imagining things?” – A desperate attempt to distract yourself from the crushing reality of your own ignorance
* “Medical center for outpatients” – A place where you can go to pretend that you’re actually taking care of yourself
* “Picture on a greeting card that says ‘I lava you very much'” – A cheesy attempt to express your feelings, but ultimately just a shallow gesture
* “Abbr. after some business names” – A lazy way to refer to a company, rather than actually taking the time to learn its name
* “Holy moley!” – A pathetic attempt to express surprise or excitement, but ultimately just a hollow phrase
* “Peppers with pepper, say” – A desperate attempt to add flavor to your dull, uninspired life
* “Aim high” – A cliché phrase that means nothing, but sounds good on a motivational poster
* “Feeling low” – A pathetic attempt to express your emotions, but ultimately just a shallow feeling
* “Down” – A direction that’s only relevant in a world that’s been reduced to a series of meaningless choices

WHAT THIS CLUE IS IN:

* “The thing in ‘Is this thing on?'” – A desperate attempt to communicate with the world, but ultimately just a futile cry for help
* “Became visibly happy” – A pathetic attempt to express joy, but ultimately just a shallow feeling
* “To briefly summarize…” – A lazy way to summarize a complex idea, rather than actually taking the time to understand it
* “Supply at an ice cream parlor” – A desperate attempt to find comfort in a meaningless treat
* “___ ear, out the other” – A pathetic attempt to express your emotions, but ultimately just a shallow feeling
* “Nearly 15% of them in the U.S. live in Texas” – A sad statistic that reflects the decline of intellectual curiosity in our society
* “Mastercard alternative” – A desperate attempt to find a substitute for the real thing, but ultimately just a hollow imitation
* “Singer known for performing in a face-covering wig” – A pathetic attempt to express yourself, but ultimately just a shallow gesture

Featured Video For You:

* The Wordle Strategy used by the New York Times’ Head of Games – A desperate attempt to create a sense of excitement and engagement, but ultimately just a hollow gesture.

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NASCAR’s Electric Betrayal: The Death of American Muscle

In a shocking move, NASCAR has abandoned its heritage and unveiled an electric prototype stock car, a gutless, soulless monstrosity that betrays everything the sport stands for. This $1.5 million abomination is a collaboration with Swedish electrification firm ABB, a partnership that’s as cringeworthy as it is catastrophic.

The car, which looks like a performance crossover, is a total departure from the traditional stock car. It’s a Frankenstein’s monster, cobbled together with three electric motors, a 78-kWh battery, and a peak power output of 1,000kW. But don’t expect it to deliver the same kind of raw power and speed that fans have come to expect from NASCAR.

In fact, according to NASCAR driver David Ragan, who was the only one to test the car, it’s a sludge-fest. His fastest lap at Martinsville Speedway was two-tenths of a second slower than a typical car, and the weight of the electric motor made it sluggish in the turns. Yeah, because nothing says "exciting racing" like a car that can’t even turn.

But don’t worry, NASCAR isn’t done yet. They’re reportedly considering introducing hybrids in a few years, because who needs the thrill of a V8 engine when you can have a Prius on wheels? And if that’s not enough, they’re even exploring possibilities for high-performance racing, because what’s more exciting than watching a bunch of electric cars go "vroom" in a straight line?

This is a dark day for NASCAR, folks. The sport that once stood for American muscle and freedom is now embracing the same boring, soulless technology that’s destroying the world. It’s time to wake up and smell the electric coffee, because NASCAR’s future is looking more like a dystopian nightmare than a thrilling competition.

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WAYMO’S AUTONOMOUS ABOMINATION: "FREAKED OUT" IN PHOENIX, PUTS LIVES AT RISK

In a shocking display of reckless disregard for human safety, a Waymo self-driving vehicle was pulled over by a police officer in Phoenix after it careened through a red light and veered into oncoming traffic. The brazen stunt was captured on bodycam footage, which shows the officer’s stunned expression as he approaches the empty vehicle.

According to dispatch records, the Waymo vehicle "FREAKED OUT" and caused chaos on the streets of Phoenix. The officer was left "UNABLE TO ISSUE CITATION TO COMPUTER" due to the vehicle’s erratic behavior. It’s a wonder no one was hurt or killed.

Waymo’s attempt to downplay the incident is laughable. The company claims the vehicle "encountered inconsistent construction signage" and briefly entered an unoccupied oncoming lane of traffic. But the truth is, their software is a ticking time bomb waiting to unleash havoc on the roads.

This is not the first time Waymo’s autonomous vehicles have caused problems. The company has voluntarily recalled software twice this year after crashes, and federal regulators are investigating the safety of its software. It’s clear that Waymo’s reckless disregard for human safety is putting lives at risk.

The question is, how much longer will we allow these autonomous abominations to roam our streets? It’s time for a reckoning.

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The Dark Side of Prime Day: How to Manipulate the System and Get the Best Deals

Amazon Prime Day is just around the corner, and with it comes the annual frenzy of discounts and deals. But let’s be real, the best deals are always reserved for those who know how to manipulate the system. In this article, we’ll show you how to game the system and get the best deals on Prime Day.

Price-Tracking Tools: The Secret to Finding the Best Deals

The key to finding the best deals on Prime Day is to use price-tracking tools. These tools allow you to monitor the prices of products and receive alerts when they drop. Camelcamelcamel and Keepa are two popular price-tracking tools that can help you find the best deals.

Ask Alexa for Help: The Ultimate Prime Day Hack

If you have an Alexa device, you can use it to find and track deals on Prime Day. Simply enable Alexa’s advanced deal alerts feature and add the products you want to buy to your shopping cart. Alexa will notify you up to 24 hours in advance of a deal, giving you plenty of time to snag it.

Curated Lists: The Secret to Avoiding the Chaos

With so many deals available on Prime Day, it can be overwhelming to know what to buy and what to avoid. That’s where curated lists come in. Our shopping team has already scoured Amazon’s inventory to highlight the best deals out there. From Apple devices to headphones and speakers, we’ve got you covered.

Don’t Forget About Other Retailers: The Secret to Finding Even Better Deals

While Amazon Prime Day is the main event, other retailers are also offering deals on Prime Day. Target, Walmart, and Best Buy are just a few of the retailers that are offering discounts on Prime Day. By shopping at these retailers, you can find even better deals than you would on Amazon.

Shop Invite-Only Deals: The Ultimate Prime Day Hack

Amazon is offering invite-only deals on Prime Day, and these deals are only available to a select few. By requesting an invite, you can get access to these exclusive deals and snag them before they’re gone.

Conclusion: The Dark Side of Prime Day

Prime Day is just around the corner, and with it comes the annual frenzy of discounts and deals. But let’s be real, the best deals are always reserved for those who know how to manipulate the system. By using price-tracking tools, asking Alexa for help, curated lists, shopping at other retailers, and shopping invite-only deals, you can get the best deals on Prime Day. So, are you ready to game the system and snag the best deals on Prime Day?

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“The Apple-Epic Games Store standoff just got a whole lot juicier. Despite Apple’s initial rejection, the Epic Games Store has managed to slip past the company’s draconian review process and gain a foothold on EU iPhones. But don’t get too excited – it’s only a matter of time before Apple pulls the rug out from under them again.

According to a recent tweet by Epic CEO Tim Sweeney, Apple is trying to dictate the design of the buttons on the Epic Games Store app, a clear case of corporate overreach. And Epic isn’t having it. In a bold move, the company is vowing to fight Apple’s demands and assert its independence.

This is just the latest chapter in the epic (pun intended) battle between these two tech giants. Remember when Apple pulled Epic’s developer account? Yeah, that was a total slap in the face to free speech and innovation. But now, with EU regulators breathing down Apple’s neck, it seems like Epic might finally be able to breathe a little easier.

Or will Apple find another way to stifle the competition? We’ll have to wait and see how this drama plays out. One thing’s for sure – the fight for dominance in the app store wars is only just beginning.”

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The Giant Shadow of JPMorgan Chase: How One Bank’s IT Behemoth Crushes the Competition

In a world where tech giants like Google and Amazon dominate the headlines, one corporation remains shrouded in obscurity – JPMorgan Chase, the behemoth bank behind a staggering $17 billion IT operation that processes a mind-boggling $10 trillion in transactions daily. To put that in perspective, you could buy and sell Amazon three times over with those figures.

At the helm of this monumental tech empire is Lori Beer, a CIO who’s obsessed with efficiency, security, and innovative startups. Her task is to wield the bank’s massive IT budget like a well-oiled machine, keeping pace with an increasingly complex and ever-evolving world of technology.

But don’t be fooled – Beer’s job isn’t just about throwing money at solutions. She’s a master strategist who’s constantly weighing the pros and cons of different technologies, from AI-powered chatbots to quantum computing. In a world where seconds count, she’s the one calling the shots to ensure JPMorgan’s lights stay green and its customers stay ahead of the curve.

So, why does this behemoth bank, with its sprawling IT infrastructure and seemingly endless budget, elude the spotlight? Perhaps it’s because JPMorgan Chase is far more interested in quietly solving problems than grandstanding over its massive scale. Or maybe, despite its size, it’s simply operating on a different level – one where millions of transactions and trillions of dollars are just a side effect of its real mission to innovate and disrupt the status quo.

In this exclusive interview with TechCrunch, Beer reveals what drives her relentless pursuit of the latest technologies and why JPMorgan Chase is so hell-bent on staying ahead of the curve:

"AI is driving a whole new set of volume-driven, compute-related costs, and we’re leaning hard into that."

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