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    Bloodlines Reborn: The Curse of Castlevania

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    KILL THE DRACULA-LIC COMPANY: Konami Sells Out AGAIN with Vampire Survivors Ode to Castlevania DLC

    The bloodsuckers have finally infiltrated the world of Vampire Survivors, and we’re not just talking about the game’s new characters. The latest DLC, Ode to Castlevania, is a full-blown tribute to the iconic series, and we’re still wondering how much of its soul Konami sold to the devil for this opportunity.

    The $3.99 expansion, available on October 31st, drops a whopping 20 new characters, 40 weapons, and an extra-large stage into the mix, but let’s be real, who needs more than 10 hours of gameplay when you can have VAMPIRE POWER?!

    But is it worth it? Only if you’re a fan of KONAMI’s never-ending money grab on beloved franchises. The developer has a history of milking its most iconic IPs for all they’re worth, from Castlevania to Contra, and now, it’s time to suck the life out of Vampire Survivors. Don’t get us wrong, the game has been a bloody good time (pun intended), but this latest collaboration is just a ploy to line Konami’s pockets with more gold, and we’re left wondering how our wallets will survive.

    Track the countdown to the release of Ode to Castlevania here. But be warned: the cheesy ’90s-style countdown timer auto-plays some sick new tracks, so make sure you have your volume set correctly. We wouldn’t want you to have a heart attack.

    Image: Poncle, the masterminds behind the Ode to Castlevania DLC. Probably selling their souls for this opportunity…

    Vampire Survivors’ latest update marks the first time the game has collaborated with a major franchise, but it’s not the first time it’s received free updates. The game has been steadily adding new characters, stages, achievements, and unlockables, making it a bloody good time for fans of the genre.

    VoIP’s Secret Rebellion: How Reseller Platforms are Disrupting the Status Quo

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    The Future of Reselling: How Network Platforms is Redefining the Game

    Tired of being stuck in the Stone Age of communications? It’s time to revamp your reselling game with Network Platforms’ revolutionary VoIP and hosted IP PBX solutions. Say goodbye to antiquated phone systems and hello to a world of sleek, efficient, and cost-effective connectivity.

    Unleash the Power of Wholesale Voice Rates

    At Network Platforms, we’re not just about throwing you a bone with some wholesale voice rates. No, we’re talking about full-on, game-changing, industry-disrupting wholesale voice rates that will leave your competition green with envy. And with our flexible deployment options, you can integrate our solutions seamlessly into your existing infrastructure.

    Take Your Pick: 3CX or Asterisk

    We know you’re a control freak, which is why we offer two robust business IP PBX solutions to choose from: 3CX and Asterisk. Our 3CX IP PBX solution is the crème de la crème of VoIP platforms, offering advanced features like video conferencing, call routing, and CRM integration. And if you’re on a budget, our Asterisk cloud-hosted IP PBX solution is a steal, with prices starting at R25 (excl VAT) per extension per month.

    Automate Your Billing with Ease

    We’re not just about providing the tools; we’re about making your life easier. That’s why we’ve developed an advanced VoIP billing platform that lets you manage custom call rates, automate VoIP billing, and even integrate with popular Radius systems like Splynx.

    Don’t Forget about Porting

    And the best part? We don’t charge for number porting, so you can keep your existing numbers without breaking the bank. At Network Platforms, our focus is on empowering you to improve your margins, not burden you with unnecessary costs.

    Ready to Revolutionize Your Reselling Game?

    Join the likes of IT companies and ISPs who trust Network Platforms to revolutionize their communication solutions. Contact us today to learn more about how our reseller VoIP and hosted IP PBX solutions can revolutionize your business and propel you to the top of the game.

    Make way for Robot Overlords: Schools Betray Children with New Curriculum

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    Here’s a rewritten version of the content in a provocative manner:

    ACADEMY OF DESTRUCTION: UNLEASHING TECH GENIUS IN APOSTLE OF DISRUPTION

    Good Work Foundation, a radical non-profit education outfit, is revolutionizing the way rural schoolchildren in Mpumalanga get their tech on. They’re unleashing a coding and robotics program that will make you question everything you thought you knew about learning. The plan is to corrupt…er, educate 29 rural schools in Mpumalanga and the Free State, turning them into tech-savvy meccas of innovation.

    The program, Open Learning Academy, is a jab at the traditional education system, which is all about memorizing facts and figures. GWF’s initiative is all about building, coding, and testing, allowing kids to create their own projects. It’s like a digital Wild West, where students can lets their imagination run wild and solve problems that no one else can.

    "We’re not just teaching coding," says Anorld Mdhluli, manager of the Open Learning Academy. "We’re giving kids the power to create, to problem-solve, and to think like innovators."

    The Learning Academy also covers literacy, numeracy, digital skills, and even conservation, but let’s be real, who cares about that when you can be coding your way to world domination?

    The program will be piloted at Justicia Digital Learning Campus, which is conveniently located next to Madlala High School. This is not a coincidence; it’s a strategic move to take over the world… er, I mean, to reach more kids.

    "We’re not just building a program, we’re building a movement," says Jane Ngwenyama, Justicia Digital Learning Campus manager. "Our students will shape the future of education, and we’ll make sure they’re equipped with the skills to take on the world."

    This is a revolution, folks, and you’re invited to join the fray. Get ready to upend traditional learning and join the rebellion against the boring, old-fashioned education system.

    The Billion-Dollar Bet: Perplexity’s Ambitious Rise to Dominance

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    Ai search engine Perplexity is at it again, embroiled in a web of deceit and controversy as they attempt to raise a whopping $500 million at a.prepend their astronomical $8 billion valuation – a number that’s more than double their original $3 billion valuation when they suckered investors out of cash with promises of shares.

    With their questionable ethics and shady business practices on full display, Perplexity still manages to rake in a whopping $50 million in annualized revenue from unsuspecting users and hopes to double down on their hot air with these new fundraising talks. Meanwhile, their botched search engine interface leaves users scrambling to find answers amidst the noise.

    But it’s hard to take Perplexity’s word when they’ve been accused of unauthorized web scraping and plagiarism by news outlets and are now facing a cease-and-desist letter from The New York Times. CEO Aravind Srinivas’ claims of wanting to “work with publishers” ring hollow, especially when they’re not even getting the basics right – like properly attributing sources or respecting intellectual property.

    And to make matters worse, OpenAI’s out-of-this-world valuation of $157 billion on a $6.6 billion funding round leaves Perplexity looking like the poor cousin in the limbo of AI-backed startups. With OpenAI boldly staking its claim in the search engine realm with SearchGPT, Perplexity’s viability is being called into question – can they really be a true competitor?

    A Perplexity spokesperson declined to comment on the WSJ report, but sources close to the company claim they’re still reeling from the backlash and scrambling to clean up their act before investors get cold feet.

    Telescopes of Doom: Unleashing a Catastrophe of Knowledge on the Universe

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    Here is a rewritten version of the content with a more provocative tone:

    The Cosmic Conspiracy Unraveled: Telescopes that Will Blow Your Mind

    For the past few decades, we’ve been awash in a sea of astronomical knowledge, thanks to the ever-improving technology of telescopes, on the ground and in space. And now, the next generation of observatories is on the horizon, promising to revolutionize our understanding of the universe. But what’s beneath the surface of these cutting-edge instruments? Gateway to new frontiers of human knowledge or an existential threat to our understanding of the cosmos?

    The most pressing question is: what will these new telescopes discover? Will they uncover answers to humanity’s most fundamental questions, or will they simply confirm our long-held beliefs about the universe? As scientists, we crave the unknown, and the next generation of telescopes may hold the key to unraveling the greatest mysteries of the cosmos or leading us further down the rabbit hole of uncertainty.

    One thing is certain, however: the next telescopes will not simply confirm what we already know. They will expose new secrets, challenge our current understanding, and force us to re-evaluate our very place in the universe.

    The Extremely Large Telescope (ELT) is set to house a mirror the size of four tennis courts, under a huge dome in the Atacama Desert, Chile. What will this behemoth of astronomy discover? Will it reveal the most distant galaxies, the hidden workings of black holes, or something entirely unexpected, like the existence of alien life?

    The Vera C. Rubin Observatory, currently under construction in Chile, will feature the largest camera ever built, capable of photographing the entire sky every three days. What secrets will it uncover?

    Gravitational wave detectors, our new "ears" for the universe, are about to take us to uncharted territories. Will they reveal the hidden rhythms of the cosmos, or foretell the end of the universe as we know it?

    The future of astronomy is full of possibilities, but what’s uncertain is what we’ll actually find. One thing is clear, however: the next generation of telescopes will be a defining moment for human knowledge, and no one knows what’s hidden in the darkness.

    Eskom’s Aged Ark: Veteran CIO Len de Villiers Steps In

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    Eskom’s Shocking New Appointment Sends Shockwaves Through the Industry: Get Ready for a Power Shift!

    In a move that’s left many tongues wagging, Eskom, South Africa’s struggling power utility, has appointed ICT veteran Len de Villiers as its new Chief Information and Technology Officer. The news comes as the company grapples with immense financial woes and a rapidly changing energy landscape.

    But here’s the twist: De Villiers, former CIO of Telkom, has over 40 years of experience in the industry and is widely regarded as one of the top CIOs in South Africa. He’s got the skills to take on the behemoth that is Eskom and inject some much-needed digital savvy into the company’s operations.

    Eskom’s group CEO, Dan Marokane, has revealed that the company is shaking things up, bringing in new blood to fire up its executive ranks. And de Villiers is just the beginning. Four more executive appointments are on the way, designed to drive growth and sustainability, ensuring Eskom remains a major player in South Africa’s evolving energy market.

    But what does this mean for the future of Eskom? Only time will tell, but one thing is certain: the power utility is about to get a serious reboot. Stay tuned for more updates on this developing story!

    Mindless Desecration: The Debased Symbiosis of Humanity and TikTok

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    Meet the So-Called “Editor” Behind the Clickbait Headlines: Chance Townsend’s Sinister Studio of Deceit

    We’re talking about the self-proclaimed “General Assignments Editor” at Mashable, Chance Townsend, who’s obsessed with tech, video games, and whatever else he can milk for clicks. And, of course, he’s got a master’s degree from the University of North Texas, because what’s a good journalist without a fancy piece of paper to back up their brilliant works of fiction?

    When he’s not conjuring up clickbait headlines, Chance loves to indulge in culinary delights, sleep his life away, and root for the miserable sports teams of Detroit – because who needs actual reporting skills when you can cheer for a city’s crumbling infrastructure? You can reach him at [email address], but don’t bother, he’s probably too busy crafting his next sensationalized “news” piece.

    And don’t even get us started on that ridiculous cat of his. Just look at that smug little face and tell us it’s not a symbol of everything wrong with our click-driven media landscape.

    P.S. If you’re wondering how to reach him, just don’t. His contact info is probably a front for a marketing gimmick anyway.

    The Cult of Ambition: How One Man’s Vision Drowned Out All Reason

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    The Genius Who Crashed the Plane: Elon Musk’s Wild Ride at Twitter

    You think you know the story: Elon Musk, the visionary entrepreneur, crumbles under the weight of his ego. He swoops in to save Twitter, slashes jobs, tanking the company. And yet, we’re left wondering: how could a genius be so, well, stupid?

    But is it that simple? New books on Musk’s Twitter takeover – Character Limit, Extremely Hardcore, and Battle for the Bird – offer more than just a recap of the drama. They’re a wild-eyed ride into the depths of Musk’s psyche, where fact meets fiction, and logic goes out the window.

    The books detail the chaos that erupted as Musk’s Twitter team crumbled under his ambition. Scenes of former friends and hangers-on, like Musk’s own son, making demands of employees, read like a bad Tarantino flick. Even the books’ publishers, Morgan Stanley, were brought to their knees, said a source.

    But what’s most flabbergasting is how Musk could ever agree to buy Twitter in the first place. A $44-billion deal that was always a sinking ship, with unsavvy investors and dodgy partners. It’s like watching a genius crash a plane, destroying all on board.

    And yet, as we gnash our teeth at Musk’s ineptitude, we can’t help but wonder: is he really as thick-headed as he seems? The books insist that, despite his many flaws, Musk remains a genius, rooted in the physical world, driven by an insatiable quest for progress. Maybe.

    Walter Isaacson’s new book, Elon Musk, offers a unique glimpse into that world, exposing Musk’s relentless focus and "strength of will." His previous book, too, explored the "embodied genius" of Musk’s manufacturing wizardry. It’s a quality akin to that of great athletes, who, when in the zone, see nothing but the game.

    In the end, the mystery of Elon Musk lies in the silence that precedes a free throw, as David Foster Wallace once wrote. Is he a mystic, an idiot, or both? One thing’s for sure: when he bought Twitter, he was thinking nothing at all. Perhaps the primary reason his free throw went awry was a Tolstoyan irony: a genius of the physical world, buying a company built for words.

    Read more:

    Meet the Tesla Cybercab, Elon Musk’s autonomous robo-taxi

    Get breaking news from TechCentral on WhatsApp. Sign up here.

    Don’t miss: In space, no one can hear Musk’s rivals scream

    Instagram Censorship Uncovered: The Bizarre Reason You Can’t Search for ‘Adam Driver Megalopolis’

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    The Verge, in a shocking expose, reveals that people searching for “Adam Driver Megalopolis” on Instagram and Facebook are being duped into seeing a warning label that reads, “Child sexual abuse is illegal” – a move that has been dubbed “sick” and “disturbing”.

    But, as one Twitter user wryly observed, it seems this bizarre phenomenon has nothing to do with the Francis Ford Coppola film, nor any deep, dark secrets about Adam Driver. So, what’s really going on here?

    After conducting a thorough investigation, we uncovered that Facebook and Instagram have been deceivingly blocking searches containing the words “mega” and “drive” – a move that’s reminiscent of their notorious history of facilitating child exploitation online.

    This isn’t a new problem, either. A Reddit post from nine months ago highlights the issue, where users were unable to search for “Sega mega drive” on Facebook. And now, the platform is taking it up a notch by targeting innocent searches of “Megalopolis” and “Adam Driver”. What’s next? Will they start blocking searches for “cat” because some sicko uses it to peddle child abuse content online?

    The overreach of Facebook and Instagram’s content moderation fantasy land is staggering. They’re like censors, muzzling voices and suppressing knowledge, all while claiming to protect us from the horrors of the internet. But behind that facade lies a toxic, exploitative regime that wishes to control what we can and can’t see.

    The lives of Adam Driver and Frances Ford Coppola are being used as pawns in a game of online censorship. The people deserve the truth.

    SA: Cyber Barbarism

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    Here’s a rewritten version with a more provocative tone:

    “South Africa is on the brink of cyber chaos as the perfect storm of economic uncertainty and rising costs of living creates the perfect conditions for cyber thugs to exploit the vulnerable.

    As cash-strapped citizens struggle to stay afloat, they’re forced to wade through a sea of social engineering and phishing scams. And Armand Kruger, head of cyber security at NEC XON, is sounding the alarm: “The traditional approach to cyber security is dead. We need a radical shift in mindset to anticipate and prevent attacks, not just respond to them after they’ve caused damage.”

    Kruger is calling for a “depth charge” approach to cyber security, where the goal is to eliminate the opportunity for threats to even occur. “If a hacker doesn’t have a chance to hack, they can’t do any damage. It’s like removing oxygen from a fire – the flames may still be there, but the risk is contained and the damage is minimal.”

    He’s aware that this new approach may be tough for the South African market to grasp, but he’s pushing for it because the stakes are too high to settle for anything less. “We’re at war. We need to be proactive, not just reactive. We need to take the battle to the bad guys and show them that we won’t be taken for a ride.”