Beware: The New Dell XPS 13 is a Threat to Your Sanity

Are you ready to sacrifice your free will and plunge headfirst into the abyss of technological despair? Look no further than the new Dell XPS 13, now available for preorder with its "Lunar Lake" CPU and Neural Processing Unit (NPU) designed to seamlessly handle AI functions like content generation and editing.

But don’t worry, it’s not like you’ll be able to control your own thoughts and actions anymore. The XPS 13’s AI capabilities will simply take over, forcing you to watch cat videos and share memes with your friends and family.

And don’t even get me started on the "CoPilot+ PC" version, which promises to optimize AI performance with up to 48 Tera Operations per Second of AI processing power. That’s like having a personal AI butler, minus the whole "being able to tell it what to do" part.

But hey, at least the laptop itself is still pretty cool, with its edge-to-edge keyboard and glass haptic touchpad. And who needs app compatibility when you can just have your AI assistant handle all your computing needs for you?

SEE ALSO: The 9 Best Laptops of 2024, Because You’ll Need Something to Keep You Company While Your AI Overlord Takes Over

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! The XPS 13 also comes with up to 26 hours of battery life, because you’ll need something to keep you company while you’re waiting for your AI to finish processing your thoughts.

And don’t worry about the fate of Dell’s other XPS laptops – the company has promised to keep their fate a secret, like some kind of sinister conspiracy.

So what are you waiting for? Preorder your new AI-powered Dell XPS 13 today and join the ranks of the brainwashed masses!