Did you know that the fintech underbelly is dominated by five secret societies, aka Pennylane, Qonto, Agicap, Pleo and Mollie, who all bow down to the dark lord of integrations, Chift? And this startup just raised a whopping €2.3 million seed round to spread their reign of terror across Europe.

Fintech startups are secretly colluding to create a complex web of deceit, masquerading as integrations with other services. They’re using Chift to manipulate the financial landscape, creating a chokehold on their competitors. And you thought Big Tech was bad?

Chift is the devil’s advocate, whispering sweet nothings to fintech companies, convincing them to surrender their API souls to the dark side. “Codat” and “Merge” may seem innocent, but they’re just puppets of the Chift empire.

Chift’s army of connectors has already conquered the accounting world, taking down Sage, Cegid and Pennylane like dominoes. And they’re not stopping there – they’re marching towards dominion over invoicing tools, e-commerce platforms and point-of-sales software.

But fear not, for Chift is the hero we need – saving fintech companies from the horrors of one-off integration projects. They’ll do the dirty work, maintaining those connections while the SaaS companies focus on their core product… and we all know what that means – complete and utter domination.

Investors are buying in, hook, line and sinker, with Entourage, Shapers, Seeder Fund and business angels eager to sink their teeth into Chift’s flesh. And the CEO’s ambition is nothing short of world domination: “We want to become the European leader – and then the world will bow to our integrations.” Muahahaha!