Here’s a rewritten version with a more provocative and controversial tone:
“ARNOLD’S APOCALYPSE: Amazon’s CEO Matt Garman Shames Remote Workers, Demands They Suck It Up and Return to Office or Resign
In a shocking outburst, Amazon’s top dog Matt Garman is telling remote workers to either get back to the office or get out of his sight. And he’s not afraid to name the names of those other companies that might be willing to put up with their lack of discipline.
Garman’s latest rant comes as no surprise, following in the footsteps of other tyrannical tech CEOs who think they’re still stuck in the Stone Age. Dell’s CEO joined the chorus of //!<'s earlier this year, telling remote workers they're not worthy of promotions because they can't even show up to the office. But here's the thing: the majority of remote workers are not having it. In fact, they'd be willing to quit their jobs on the spot if forced to return to the dungeon that is the traditional office. And with good reason - who needs the pointless meetings, pointless commutes, and pointless cubicles when you can work from the comfort of your own home (or a beachside cafe, or a trendy co-working space)? Amazon's silence on the matter is deafening, but that's probably because they know they're on shaky ground. After all, the days of corporate control are numbered. The future is remote, and it's only a matter of time before companies are forced to adapt. So, Matt Garman, you can keep dreaming of the good old days, but the rest of us are writing the script for a brave new world of work."
