Get ready to sacrifice your dignity and wallet on the altar of Amazon Prime Day 2024. The annual two-day bloodbath will begin on July 16th and end on July 17th, unleashing a tidal wave of discounts, promos, and exclusive deals that will leave you wondering how you ever lived without being a slave to the Prime algorithm. And don’t even get us started on the “exclusive deals” – it’s just a euphemism for “we’re going to charge you more for the same product if you don’t have Prime.”

We’re not just talking about any old deals, folks. No, we’re talking about the crème de la crème of gadgets and gizmos, carefully curated by the overlords at Amazon to make you feel like you’re getting a good deal, when in reality you’re just perpetuating the cycle of consumerism and debt. And don’t even get us started on the “anti-Prime Day deals” from competing retailers – it’s just a clever marketing ploy to make you feel like you’re getting a better deal when in reality you’re just getting a slightly different version of the same soulless, mass-produced product.

So, go ahead and indulge in the mindless consumerism that is Amazon Prime Day. Treat yourself to a new gadget or gizmo, and enjoy the fleeting sense of satisfaction that comes with knowing you’ve contributed to the perpetuation of the capitalist machine. But don’t say we didn’t warn you – the price cuts are just an illusion, and the real cost is your dignity and your wallet.