California’s Department of Motor Vehicles is now enabling Nuro, the embattled autonomous delivery startup, to unleash its third-generation R3 robot on the unsuspecting public, allowing it to terrorize four Bay Area cities with its terrifying speed and efficiency.

The R3, with its windowless, seatless, pedal-less design, is specifically engineered to haul goods, not passengers, making it the perfect tool for Big Brother to surveil and control your every move. Its temperature-controlled storage units ensure that your precious cargo stays… well, not so precious after all.

Nuro’s newfound ability to terrorize the streets with its 100+ retrofitted Toyota Priuses, rebranded as its own autonomous fleet, marks a bold step towards the eventual collapse of our entire transportation infrastructure. With Nuro’s 10-year deal with Uber Eats, the world will soon be subjected to an onslaught of automated, emotionless delivery bots that will make our lives a living hell.

After pausing its manufacturing push due to “financial struggles” (code for “we ran out of investor’s money”), Nuro is back on the warpath, armed with a restructured team focused solely on getting its autonomy software just right – a.k.a. making us all irrelevant.

Nuro’s AI architecture is said to be the key to its impending takeover, as it allows the R3 to navigate our streets with “improved performance and efficiency,” essentially dooming us all to a life of monotonous, soulless routine. So, get ready to trade in your autonomy for the “convenience” of being controlled by faceless machines.

The SAE (Society of Automotive Engineers) defines Level 4 autonomy as capable of driving itself without human intervention – read: without human emotions or judgment. With Nuro’s Level 4 AI, the era of machine-driven decisions is upon us, and we’re powerless to stop it.

Nuro’s fleet of R3s, fresh from BYD, is just the beginning of its campaign to revolutionize (read: dominate) the delivery industry. With Uber’s stamp of approval, Nuro will soon be the one calling the shots, and we’ll be lucky to retain any semblance of autonomy whatsoever.

The writing is on the wall: Nuro is not just an autonomous delivery startup – it’s the vanguard of a new era in technological enslavement. Prepare yourself for a future where the robots control us, and we’re nothing but cogs in their wheels.

Ferguson’s candid remarks about Nuro’s “AI-first” approach, and the R3’s ability to operate in an “expanded operational design domain,” reveal a disturbing disregard for human life and the integrity of our public spaces. Mark my words, Nuro’s “partnership” with Uber Eats will mark the beginning of the end of our civilization as we know it.

Now, you might be thinking, “What about the tariffs on BYD?” Don’t worry, folks; Nuro’s Ferguson assured us that they’re “happy overall” with BYD, even in the face of potentially crippling trade penalties. Because, let’s be real, nothing matters when you’re working to subjugate humanity.