A few weeks ago, I posted some graphs about the declining marriage rates in South Africa from the Outlier.co.za newsletter. This set off a robust conversation about why marriage rates were declining.

There was a strong feeling that because many more women are now financially independent than was the case in the past, they no longer need the protection of a marriage.

Women felt that previously, men had used money to control them. Men argued that the cost of lobola and weddings was prohibitive, and when the relationship ended, they “lost” their investment.

There was a general sense that people don’t want to share or lose money when the relationship ends.

But there was one post that struck a cord. Bulelwe wrote, “This is sad because marriage is still the best way to build riches, financial stability and ultimately generational wealth. It helps men with their mental health, seeing that there is a loneliness and suicide pandemic amongst men ages 33 and up. It still gives women a massive confidence boost. Two-parent households are still the better option for both the parents and especially for the children.”

Admittedly, I am seeing this through the lens of someone who has just celebrated her 30th wedding anniversary, but there is a lot to be said about the ability of two people to build both a life and wealth together.

I still remember when my husband proposed. We were ridiculously young – 22 years old – but he said, “we can build our lives separately and marry when we are older, or we can marry now and build our lives together.”

I am glad I said yes. I have had a happy marriage. In addition, shared living expenses and investments have a multiplier effect on wealth creation.

But you do need to share the same values and financial goals. A bad marriage can have catastrophic financial consequences.

If you are planning on getting married, read this great article by Queen Malobane about the conversations you should be having. If you cannot have these conversations, maybe you should not be getting married. And if you are already married, it’s not too late to start the discussion.

If you want to delve in deeper into issues around marriage and money, I have published several articles on various aspects of this topic. I also recorded a 4-part podcast series entitled Women in Conversation, which is well worth a listen.